Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
