Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
