This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
