She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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