marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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