I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
