Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's a naked man in my car right now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize