I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize