You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
