you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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