They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
