please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
