Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
