There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
