Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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