Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
