i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What happened to fro yo and sex?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
