my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
