She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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