I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
