I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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