it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
