That's intense
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
