it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
