ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
