you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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