And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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