i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
