I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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