had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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