we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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