I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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