i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I would ride that face into the sunset
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
