I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
