So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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