how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
