this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
