it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize