How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize