I'm really into asian looking animals
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize