So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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