not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
