actually, I'm a sock model
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
