so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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