An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
