I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
