Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
