Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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