Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
