Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
