I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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