Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
