I think i peed on brittanys purse
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
