You really coming over, don't trick.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
