he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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