I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
