This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
