I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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