Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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