sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
