hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
