he thought i was a dude.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
