I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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