If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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