eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
