wakey wakey hands off snakey
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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