What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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