Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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