Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
